HuRtiNg

"I wish forgetting my feeling for someone was as easy as digging a hole in the backyard, burying it there and leaving a cross over it to remind me of how beautiful it once was. But it could never be like that… the truth is, forgetting this feeling is much like digging my very own grave and burying myself alive.."

    Love oh love… according to a song, love is all around us. You're not normal if you haven't experience this kind of feeling. What's with being in love? Yeah I know! When you're in love its like you're in a dream, a dream where in you're the princess and here comes your prince to rescue you from your wicked step-mother and step-sisters. When you're in love it's as if you're in a carousel ride that goes on and on forever. You can't stop smiling; you can't stop thinking about that special someone in your life. When you're in love and you're with your love one it's like you're just alone with that person. Nothing else matters, all that matter is that you're together.

    When you ask people about love, expect that they all have different stories that they're going to share with you. Including the memories they treasure for a very long time. Love gives us happiness. It gives us security and belongingness.

    But have you ask yourself? Is happiness the only thing love can give to us? Come to think of it, when you're in love it's not only happiness, security and belongingness you are feeling, because when you're in love you also feel pain. Pain that is brought by sacrifices and suffering.

    Now tell me, are you always happy when you're in love? Of course not right? Take me as an example. I've been in love many times, and been hurt a couple of times.

Especially now, I can't explain what I'm feeling. I know I'm hurt I know I'm in pain but it's different than it used to be.  It's maybe because I'm used to it or something.  I've been hurt in the past.  And there comes a time in my life where in I feel tired of this. I always tell my self if I could only just stop loving, maybe I'm not like this.

It's true what they say that you can't have it all. I have some achievements in my life but when it comes to love I'm a big failure. I guess that's life right? I guess I can't do anything with that.  The only thing I could do is hope and sometimes cry. Crying is hard enough but you just can't seem to go away and leave the one you love, you keep saying enough is enough but you just couldn't give up because when it comes to loving someone, enough is never enough…

    How about pain? When we say love pain is always affix to it. It's like you can't feel love if you can't feel pain. But can't we just love without feeling any pain? It's hard to answer right. Because when you love, having pain, sacrifices and suffering is a part of it.

Having so much pain in the past has made me doubtful when it comes to love. They made me feel so special but in the end they left me hanging. That's why I keep on asking "does love really last?!"

There's this saying "people always leave", for me this is somewhat the truth. We all know that all things in this world are not permanent. Same with the people around us. Even if we take a hold of it, it will be taken away from us. It always happens. Why? Because those people, are given to us to give us lessons, to help us get stronger and for us to become a better person. I know it's hard and painful but it's the truth. The least we could do is to be thankful because at least once in our life, we've met someone who taught us how to love.

    Some say "To truly love is to have the courage to walk away and let the other person who wishes to be free go no matter how much it hurts".  I guess I can say I'm brave because I let go of someone so dear to me.  I know setting someone free is the hardest thing to do. But it's not the tears I cried that makes it so hard. It's the small piece of hope left inside my heart that someday we'll still end up together.

That is the mystery of love.  We cannot question love. Whatever is happening to us, it's not love who did that but ourselves. We are the one who is deciding for ourselves. So whatever wrong we are doing, it's us who are to blame.

"Love is like the rain, it gently pours. But sometimes its raging fast. But why is the rain so special? Because like love, you can feel it, but you can't stop it."